Love, Lust, Infatuation? Whatever.

It is way too early for this. But, my head is full of thoughts and I've been enjoying this blogging thing.

I woke up this morning in the mood to love. Only problem is, I don't have any one to love. Besides Hailey, of course. When it comes to love and intimacy, do we really know if we TRULY love someone? Or is it just infatuation? Maybe just lust? Maybe it's just us wanting to be with someone so badly, that we trick ourselves into thinking we love them, so we can justify the situation.

I'm a big believer in equal relationships. Two people involved in something as serious as monogamy, or even just involved in a good friendship that could lead into commitment, should equally disperse their love. Over the past few months, I've found myself being so in love with someone who never puts any effort into the relationship. I would go out of my way to see this guy, make him happy, do anything he asked me, but I know it wasn't happening on his end. I've put up with it, and thought, 'Oh it'll get better, he will come around', but he hasn't. I've known him for over a year and even from the beginning, I thought something would blossom. I guess I was wrong. The question is, I'd bend over backwards for him (or any man I felt this strongly for), but would he do that for me? In the back of my mind, just nestled in, I know the answer. I know that he isn't willing to put effort into our relationship. I'm fully aware that most people would just look at me and wonder what was wrong with me, wonder why I'm, putting up with something like that. It's hypocrisy, because if one of my friends were in this situation, I'd tell them to leave and let it go. What's meant to happen, will happen. So be it. I'd wonder why they were allowing themselves to be strung along. As soon as you find yourself letting go, and able to get through one day without thinking about that person, they show up and there you are, back on the puppet strings, allowing someone who doesn't love you as much as they should dictate your life.

I guess the point of this blog is to let everyone know that even if you think you've found someone to complete your life, there are always other people out there to make you happy if it doesn't work out the first time. There is always someone better. Treat others how you want to be treated and eventually someone will come along - and probably at the worst times, when you're looking like shit. Sweat pants, hair up, old tennis shoes, that kind of thing.  Relationships are not a one way street, even if it's just a friendship. There has to be an equal amount of effort put into it, otherwise, one person is going to get tired of giving and the other will find themselves alone and wish they would have done better. You never want to be that guy or girl who feels like they have missed out, due to lack of caring or trying. It's the worst feeling.



I had a friend come to me the other day needing to talk about her relationship with her other half. I won't mention any names, don't worry, if you're reading. She is expecting a baby soon and her and her boyfriend aren't doing so well. I am thinking he just has cold feet about the baby, and is scared. Like I told her, a woman becomes a mother as soon as she finds out she is pregnant. A man doesn't become a father until the baby is actually born. That's just how it goes. You, as a mother, have the responsibility to have everything prepared and secure for your baby. That means having the crib up, getting the diapers ready, and most of all, making sure the baby has a safe, normal environment to live in. For example, having a stable relationship with the father of the baby. Anyway, when my friend was talking to me, I could just tell she was so sad about the situation. I know first hand how it is to raise a baby as BOTH parents because Hailey's dad was never around. It sucked. It still sucks. And now, it's even worse because Hailey knows she has two parents, but only sees me. I gave my friend the best advice I could give her. I told her she needs to sit down with the father (her boyfriend) and have an adult conversation with him. They either need to A) Be together and be happy for them and the baby. Trust each other and make sure there are no grey areas. Or B) Split up and remain civil. She has to make sure SHE is happy for her little bundle of joy. If she isn't happy, the baby isn't going to make anything better. The combination of crying, shitty diapers, breast feeding, lack of sleep, AND an unhappy relationship makes for a total train wreck just waiting to happen. I told her she should definitely work on the relationship with her boyfriend first. There is nothing like the feeling of knowing that you have a tight family bond. I only got to feel it for a few months, but it was great. Having someone else with you to take care of the baby is wonderful. And nothing as minuscule as a cold footed man should get in the way of having a beautiful family.

I hope I helped her. I tried giving the best advice I could without stepping on any toes.

To you reading this, if you're in a situation that's been mentioned, I hope you have the strength to pull through and realize that YOU'RE worth more than dealing with some cowardly person who won't MAN up and show you the love that you deserve. If you have the strength to say FUCK IT, and leave, it's going to suck at first. A lot. But, eventually, you'll realize that the time you spent crying and upset was worth it because you don't have to deal with someone who doesn't care about you or how you feel. I promise you that. Everyone deserves to be with someone who makes them the happiest person in the world. However, in order to get what you want, you have to give what you feel. If you love someone, show it, let it out. It's better to say too much, than nothing at all. And if you ever feel like the love isn't equal, that you're trying harder than you should, don't hesitate to open your mouth and express how you feel. Let the other person know, even if you think it's going to cause tension.

You're beautiful. You deserve the world. Just remember, treat people how YOU want to be treated.


I feel really great about this blog this morning. I hope you liked it. Take some of my advice. I've been through a lot of shit and have learned from it all.

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